i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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