it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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