dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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