My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
