It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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