i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
