If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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