Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
