A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
