she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
