So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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