i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
