hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
