im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
