There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
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I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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