Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
