Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
