It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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