I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
