so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize