Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
