I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
