dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
