It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
