I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
