once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
