I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just gift wrapped bread.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
