she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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