And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
