she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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