So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
