I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
