She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
