Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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