Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
