I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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