Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
