Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
