A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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