im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
