she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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