im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Randomize
