he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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