I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know her cup size but not her name....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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