OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
