she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Say something about gay babies.
Quick, to the slutcave!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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