There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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