I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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