I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
