Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
