Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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