There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would fuck him just for his dog
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
