I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize