im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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