i already hear my dad disowning me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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