i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
