I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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