You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
