She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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