Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
