I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize