My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
