Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you never un-have a 4some
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
