i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
