Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
