I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
