I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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