Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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