So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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