I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize