4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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