I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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