roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
