honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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